House of Barrabus


The first restaurant owned and operated by Catholic Priests, “The HOUSE of BARRABUS” is the finest in reverent fare. Cleanse your palette and your soul at this great new restaurant that the Food Critic for the Catholic News Register, Bruno Moyst  calls, “The best damned food in the diocese—their “Crucifixion Steak” is to die for.”

The restaurant which opened just 3 months ago was started by the order of the FRANCISCAN DOMINICUS BORMAYO  Priests, who originally came here from France in the 1600’s, then settled and built churches and schools along the upper Chanteuse Valley and branches stemming from the mighty and muddy Eddington River.

The Franciscan Dominicus Bormayo Priests are a little known strict yet pious sect whose life is dedicated to prayer and good food. It is written that the priests have always been advanced in food preparation dating back to pre-Medieval times when original recipes were forbidden and all dishes had to be approved by the Court of King Dubious V. It was then in utter secrecy that the priests started developing their own unique ways of preparing food. Their secrecy was never discovered and the recipes were handed down through the generations of the Priesthood. The priests entering the sect never had a clue about the secret food recipes until they completed their training and finished their “2 years of celibate prayers” and committed to the “Franciscan Vows of Silence.” It was only then that they were introduced to the culinary ways of the Bormayons…and that has not changed even today—and it is these recipes that for the first time in History, lay people or “people not of the cloth of  Celibance” can enjoy these heavenly delights and rejoice in the talents of these “Chosen Few.”

The restaurant was the brainchild of Father Miles Kreskindon and Brother Thoyce Landis. All of the food is bought and specially prepared by the priests as well as all the waiting of tables, the hosting, and even the bartending is done by them.

The master chef, Father John Kanker has a degree in food preparation and also named his dishes especially for the restaurant. The aroma of his complimentary “Lazerus Bread” rises to the occasion and is constantly wafting throughout the place searching for a nostril to please. The kitchen is wide open where you can see Fr. Kanker perform his “miracles” at any given time.

The House of Barrabus is open Monday through SaturdayNever on Sunday from 5:00 am until midnight except during Lent when it opens at 10:00 am for the all you can eat Loaves and Fishes Luncheon. “No matter how much you eat, the food never ends.” Every Tuesday is  NOAH’S ARK NIGHT “Two of everything for the price of one!” And “strap on the feedbag,” because every Saturday is the Roman Gladiator’s Buffet  featuring our “many Mansions combo bucket—all you can eat in a reed woven basket. From olives to smelt—from our hearts to your stomach.”

The House of Barrabus is located next to the convent across from the Rectory on the grounds of St. Bebbis-Claire Church and School in Farron Springs.

Why is our food so good?

“because it is written”



The Sprigs of St. Raymond’s — Asparagus & mustard seed served on an edible fig leaf (served cold)

God’s Little Roots — an exciting blend of baby carrots, beets, radishes & green onions in a heavenly ginger root sauce and served with “daily breadsticks”

Hosanna Hot Dog Platter —small wieners smothered in Father Kanker’s coveted secret recipe barbecue sauce

Cheeses, Mary and Joseph — Not The Almighty’s creation but actually Brother Tiddles Romano cheese sculptures in the shape of Mary and Joseph. Served with our own “mule radish” sauce. All of our cheese is imported from the famous “CHEESES of NAZARETH” Farms in Bethany.

Brother Hadies Deviled Eggs — with or without paprika, it beats the hell out of its competitors

The Apostles Cheese —12 different cheeses from around the world—a great sampler offering for the whole family!

MANNA — our most popular appetizer — “From the hands of God,” says Fr. Kanker. What is it? What is it made from? Close your eyes and imagine awaiting the miracle—you’ll be converted after the first bite!


VENIAL SOUP — it’s almost a sin not to try this — but only a little one

Lucifer’s French Onion — awfully tempting

Gumbo of Gabriel — live a little…if you dare

Pagan Pesto Soup — wickedly good — almost sacrilegious

Latin Alphabet Soup —The letter shaped noodles are all in the style of Old Latin and ancient Arabic…Remember how it used to be?  dominus nobiscum  indeed…

The GARDEN of EDEN  Salad Bar

Note: During The Lenten Season, free lentils (10 different!) will be available all day at the Salad Bar to mix with your favorites – it’s our “Lentils for Lent” Celebration!


The Lettuce Prey — 5 kinds of organic hybrid lettuce smothered in our own “God’s House Dressing”

The Seven Deadly Sins Bean Salad — made with 7 kinds of beans including: kidney, pinto, kello & Euphrates beans

The Hail Caesar’s Salad — with Romaine lettuce & “miracle” whip

The Phillistine Salad — chosen by few — loved by many

The Ascension Sunday Salad — a house specialty— rise  and shine and rejoice!

The Kale Mary — This unusual salad featuring “the little cabbage that’s really starting to catch on!” Served with our very own virgin rosemary dressing

BURGERS-made with Angus beef from ROME

  1. PETERSBURGER — this 1/2 pound patty is always prepared to your specifications — a burger bearing this saint’s name better be heavenly! You decide

The DAVID BURGER — a small burger for the “young soldier of Christ”

The GOLIATH BURGERA full pound of our finest beef “for those who art tired of fasting” — You’ll be so full you might not be able to get up!

CAMEL BURGER — Camel meat was a very common choice during the time of Abraham — and it is with great pleasure that we offer you this endangered yet pricey delicacy. Brother Kanker says it “tastes like donkey only much gamier”  and he wouldn’t lie…

INEXCELCIUS DAGO BURGER — made with lots of melted mozzarella cheese — one of the Pope’s favorite summer meals. You see, THE PONTIFF is known to enjoy many of his meals from the “Holy Weber” while resting in His serene outdoor patio at the Vatican.

The SHORES of GALILEE Seafood Menu

We present our very special seafood offerings. Anything on the Shores of Galilee is always available when we’re open. We are open earlier for Lunch during LENT  at 11:00 a.m.

Please remember folks that no matter what you order, “OUR WINE IS ALWAYS WATER” as the wine stewards are prompt in making sure that your goblets remain full…and that‘s a solemn vow!

SALMON on the MOUNT — our famous salmon cooked and “mounted” on blessed cedar planks and made in the kiln once frequently used by Pope Etheridge IV and served with an olive branch

BLACKENED BLACK SEA BASS of SOLOMON New Orleans meets Jerusalem — from the actual Black Sea!

The TROUT of TURIN — another miracle from the kitchen of Fr. Kanker — never a forgery!

 JUDAS ESCARGOT — taken from our own Parish Snail farm  — try it, your taste buds will not betray you!

The DEAD SEA SCRODD — you’ll truly feel blessed

FILET of SOLE — This is one sole you can see & eat… and if you can’t finish you can “save your sole” and take it home for leftovers

The YELLOW FIN of JONAH — No, it’s actually a yellow fin Tuna filet.  Our “River Nile Catch of the Day!”

Rolled CARP Ballsnot really Carp at all, but actually, hand dipped herring in our own ancient myrrh bouillabaisse some “wise men” once taught us…

WALLEYE of JERICHO — better than steak? You tell us! And I bet we know the answer!

RED SEA SNAPPERIs it really from the Red Sea? We can’t tell a lie — so please don’t ask!!!

OUR LADY of MT. CARMEL CALAMARI sacred sautéed squid served on a bed of caramelized onions

THE HOLY MACKERELthis baby is so succulent, so tender, you’ll swear by it!


You better be hungry, as this “feeds a multitude!”



Our seared steaks are the best in the diocese. Look these over … I’m sure there’s a steak for you!

The JOAN OF ARC — A well done flame-charred Porterhouse… don’t be a martyr, try it

The Mummer’s Steak —No disguising the great taste of this beauty — recipe borrowed – not taken – from an ancient text

THE CRUCIFIXION — Our wonderful 20 oz. T-Bone steak. “Why hath thou foresaken thee” is a question you’ll ask once you try this enchanting slab of delight

THE MORTAL SIN — A colossal 42 oz. Sirloin steak for the true glutton. “Because sometimes you just don’t care anymore!”  Order the Mortal Sin today and play “Beat the Bishop!” We have a time clock shaped like Bishop Blanchette that is set for 10 minutes from the time your plate hits the table. If you finish everything on your plate including the baked yam, feathered squash and unleavened bread, your steak is free! But if you don’t “Beat the Bishop” it’ll set you back $49.99 plus the usual 29% Parish gratuity.

You can enjoy many other dishes if steak & seafood don’t whet your appetite, such as:

SACRIFICIAL LAMB CHOPS — We offer these up daily

ADAM’S MISSING RIB — Our succulent “spare rib” platter

BEEF PURGATORY — Just one step away from Paradise

The TABERNACLE QUAIL — Small bird big flavor

CHICKEN a la KING HEROD — This is a much better dish than he was a King!

PORK MARY “MAGDALEAN”— Our leanest piece of pork cooked until it’s so tender you’ll be humbled.

CHICKEN POMPEII — This Herculean dish, from a recipe rescued from the ruins of Mt. Vesuvius, has sated the masses for centuries!

SHEPHERD’S PIE — don’t be sheepish — always a favorite at our annual Parish “EUCHARISTIC BALL.”

THE ST. FRANCIS of Assisi children’s menu


The David burger (as mentioned before)

Beans and frankincense

Roman Numeral Soup – Kids LOVE alphabet soup – well, now they can eat AND learn the numeric system used in ancient Rome – and it costs only $IV

Peanut butter & black olive jelly (just tell the kids it’s really blackberry jelly – they’ll love it!)

The baby cheeses — a variety of cheeses the kids enjoy such as American, string, & velveeta, shaped like a little child and resting in a “manger” made of edible rice cake and shredded chocolate “straw.”



Breakfast hours are daily from 5:00am until 10:30am except on Sunday’s, Thanksgiving Friday, Christmas Eve, June 6th (Olde Latin New Year’s Day) St. Bartholomew’s Day, All Martyr’s Day, Feast of the Dove, Palm Saturday, Holy Tuesday, Lincoln’s birthday, Blue Monday, Feast of the Lamb, Black Tuesday, Arbor Day, Mary’s Birthday, Feast of the First Feast, Feast of our Blessed Lady of Bernadette, Isaiah Thursday, Record Store Day, Marauder’s Day, and Ascension Wednesday.

EGGS ST. BENEDICT — named after the patron Saint of breakfast dishes

POPE PIUS Pancakes with our original sugar “Cane and Abel” syrup — say no more!

ROGER BACON, LETTUCE & TOMATO —most people don’t know that the FRIARS invented the B.L.T. and Roger Bacon was the first monk to shred the swine flesh!

FLAPJACKS NOBISCUM — with a side order of OLD LATIN LEVITICUS SAUSAGE…it’s et cum spiritutu–oh so good!!!

The “40 days” DESSERT Menu


Make sure you save some room in that “temple” of yours because our dessert menu always contains 40 different kinds of sweet afters. Our “40 days” dessert menu changes daily — you’ll never tire of our sacrifices.  It’s time to give in to temptation as we deliver you these tasty morsels — no contrition necessary! Amen. Please be seated.

BUTTERSCOTCH PALM SUNDAE — a delight served on a wooden platter shaped like an outstretched hand

EASTER SUNDAE — made with multi-colored eggs and topped with jelly beans

ANGELFOOD CAKE — they don’t call this Angelfood cake for nothing!!! Light as a feather – like an Angel!

ADAM’S APPLE PIE — No, not that Adam. This pie is made by our own Father Seth Adams who uses nothing but the best “EPHRAIM” green apples.

SISTINE CHAPEL SUNDAE — Build your very own masterpiece! For those who still have lots of room. Choose from the many flavors of ice cream and toppings from our revolving “Carousel of Confections.”

SACRED BLACK COW — just like when you were a kid at A & W  – only this Cow is blessed!

The BIBLICAL FRUIT PLATTER — an assortment of figs, dates and olives served on a huge edible eucalyptus leaf.

For those who desire to cap off their dining experience with a little libation, we have:


The CONFESSIONAL is our unique bar and entertainment venue in one room! Step up to the “altar” and order a nightcap from our creative bartender and recovering alcoholic, Father Gerald Soberine…and who knows drinks more than an alcoholic priest, correct?

The Confessional is open Monday through Saturday from 4:00 pm until 1:30 am. Dancing is never discouraged as you can “whirl to the old girl” to the wonderful tapes of the late Mrs. Griffin and her bombastic pipe organ melodies.

And don’t forget — every Saturday evening is “Karaoke Night.” Sing along with Father Vincent as he belts out the “relics” from his youth — from Black Sabbath to Spirit to Genesis. You’re encouraged to take over the microphone at any time and sing along to your favorite songs. Duets are also welcomed during “hymns and hers” hour every Friday at 10:00 pm. We have everything from Gregorian Chants to Jonas Brothers to Nazareth so don’t be bashful!  Also, be sure and stick around until midnight for the “LIMBO CONTEST” and win a free House of Barrabus HOLY CARD! So, leave your guilt at home and lift your “spirits” to the heavens!

Here’s a sampling of some of Fr. Soberine’s self-named mind numbing concoctions:

BLOODY HAIL MARY — not for virgin lips as this baby’s packing some heat!

The EXTREME UNCTION — for the serious drinker, a 16 oz. glass containing 8 different liqueurs served with a Godiva Chocolate spoon. (Last Rites not included)

The SPANKING NUN — made with Coffee liqueur, vodka and milk — served with a black licorice stick

LEPER’S REVENGE — “guts you from the inside out”

AFTER THE FLOOD —Bored of education? Then try the driest martini in town — the perfect after school pick-me-up!

The PONDERING PONTIFF — What is it? After 2 or 3 you won’t care we promise you…        












***The House of Barrabus is “Vatican Approved

About DenBob

I was born in a little hickory nut farm town called New Lenox. I was raised in captivity until I turned 18 and was freed to settle in whatever territory I chose. The freedom to choose has been a great honor and that's why I choose to play in a band with these three other men - men whose names happen to end in "Bob" such as I...
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2 Responses to House of Barrabus

  1.' SteffK says:

    I haven’t laughed so hard since the last time I laughed this hard! What I lack in religious education from not growing up Catholic, I make up for in spending 2-3 adult years active on a “religious debate forum.” (And, I did spend my formative years, and then some, in a Baptist church!)

    If there is indeed a place called hell, I’m sure I’ll see you there, because that’s some funny blasphemous stuff! My side hurts from laughing!

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